How to be a better leader of your own life, and coping with all aspects of motherhood

Leadership By Design have identified that many mothers reach out to Pushpa for support. Since our own Content Writer Lisa-Marie is a young mother of two, Pushpa decided to have a chat with her about motherhood and the different roles and challenges it entails.

 

So Lisa-Marie, why do you think it’s important to talk about this subject?

 

It has been over four years now since I gave birth to my first baby boy. Becoming a mother was a blessing for so many reasons. But it has also been life-changing and difficult at times. And I think it’s so important to talk about both the ups and downs of being a mother. We tend to only talk about the ups, even though many of us are going through hard times as well.

 

What emotions and experiences did you go through when becoming a mother?

 

Firstly, I struggled with my identity. Who am I as a mother? Have I changed? Is it okay to change, or even to not change?

 

Secondly, even though we mothers prepare for having a child during 9 months of pregnancy, nothing can really prepare you for suddenly having a person that needs you 24/7. As a person of high integrity, this was a struggle for me. When my baby was born, I had to shift my perspective drastically, and accept the fact that I would not be by myself for a very long time.

 

Thirdly, the life and breath of another human-being was now dependent on me. I needed to step up and lead this little person through life. To make him become the best person he could be. To love, cherish and protect him. These are all some major changes and aspects of motherhood.

 

Would you say that you have changed, and if so, how?

 

I was actually struggling in the beginning, having heard that you are supposed to change when you become a mother. But there I was, feeling the same way. I simply felt like the old me. However, my life and my perspectives have definitely changed, for the better I would say.

Coming back to work made me realise just how much my life and my perspectives had changed. I was thinking how can I be a good employee, whilst also being a great mother? How can I leave my child in the care of others, with all the thoughts and worries that it entails, and still be expected to perform well and focus on my job?

 

You know, I used to think that I could get back to work after my maternity leave, and everything would be the same. I could perform at the same level, with the same focus, just like no one would ever notice that I was now a full-blown mother. Yeah, right!

 

Besides from being a mother, you are also studying full-time and working part-time. How do you manage the work-life balance?

 

I don’t think I manage it any different than other working mothers out there. I have super-high expectations on my performance at work and in my studies, I put a lot of effort into being a great mom, and I take most of the responsibilities at home for planning, organising and conducting day-to-day chores. Rightfully so, there have been several occasions where I have felt like it’s too much for me.

 

I was not surprised when I came across some research conducted by McKinsey about the effect of COVID-19 on working mothers. Women are more burned out now than ever, and it is escalating much faster amongst women than men. One in three women have considered downshifting their career or even leaving the workforce this year. In addition, four in ten women have considered leaving the company or switching jobs. This will surely have some major impact on the equality between men and women at work.

 

What do you think could be done, do make it easier for mothers to juggle both motherhood and a career?

 

Organisations need to be flexible when it comes to adjusting to the needs of working mothers, such as offering flexible hours, flexible modes of working, and day-care options.

 

Still, being a mother is difficult from so many perspectives. You are expected to be a great mother and leading your family, while also performing at work and maybe even strive for a great career. This can be an impossible equation. I have not found the solution yet, but I have learned how to cope with the pressure. Also, it’s so important to seek support when you need to. Coaching and mentoring can be a great way to overcome some of the obstacles that you are faced with.

 

Do you have any tips or last words for the mothers out there?

 

• Be strong, set boundaries, make sure to say no sometimes. Your priority should be focused on yourself and your family, at first hand. Make your decisions based on these priorities. Furthermore, I thought I’d share a few basic tips that has been really helpful for me:
  
• Get a good night’s sleep. If you know your kids are morning birds, then go to bed early. Make sure to get at least 7 to 8 hrs of sleep.
  
• Take good care of your health, by eating healthy and exercising regularly. But don’t forget to treat yourself (maybe at the weekends) with some good food or sweets.
  
• Get away every once in a while, if you can. Do something for yourself, like going away on a weekend with friends. The kids will do just fine with their dad or their grandparents.
  
• Give yourself a break! It’s okay to not be a perfect mother, or a perfect employee, or a perfect student today. Tomorrow is a new day.
  
• Spend quality time with your kids on the weekend, or whenever you have your free time. Make the most of the time you have together, to avoid feeling guilty for having to work or study during the week. Go to the park or go to the beach, play with your kids and be outside for a few hours, or visit the cinema.

Leadership By Design offers support and coaching for women on how they can become great leaders of their own lives. Simply because – All women deserve the opportunity to live the successful life they desire and be strong as leaders.

 

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